see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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