so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
