i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
