his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
