Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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