Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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