Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
