If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
