life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
