please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
