I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
