That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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