Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
