he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
