You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
