Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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