I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
