wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
