Where is the hickey?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
