i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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