I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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