Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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