Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
