he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
