I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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