She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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