turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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