This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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