Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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