i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
