dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
