saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize