I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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