The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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