He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
