Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
