is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
