That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize