This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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