ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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