Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
