shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
