Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize