Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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