Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
