my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
