Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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