we have officially lost it.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
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