I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
