First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
