Don't make out with my wife yet
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
