I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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