hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
