Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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