No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
