He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
