you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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