I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
