My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
