OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
