Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
