the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
