They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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