he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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