Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
