he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
