like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
