I'm going to jail i love you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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