im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize