hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
