yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
