We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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