can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There r osticjed everywhere
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
