How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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