I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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