I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
