Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
