hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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