Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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