So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
