Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
