ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize