I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
