dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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