A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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