It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
