There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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