Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
