I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize