Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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