That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
